Christmas

After having a hard couple of days, I woke up today with the determination to have a better one. I was looking up a recipe online and came across this video on one of my favorite recipe blogs. I am so grateful I watched it.

Reflections of Christ Slideshow from Reflections of Christ on Vimeo.

Christmas easily turns into such a commercial holiday. I am guilty of wanting to make sure I have the best gifts, baking, decorating, and cooking possible. Nothing is wrong with all of those things, except when they replace the reason we celebrate Christmas. As I watched this video, tears began to flow as I reflected on the Birth and life of our Savior, Jesus Christ. As I remembered the tremendous sacrifice his life was, I felt humbled and motivated to change my focus around Christmas. As a Christian family, we feel so blessed to have a knowledge of the Savior as an everyday part of our life. This season truly is about his birth, life and sacrifice. I want my kids to learn and focus on that when Christmas time comes around, so I need to! I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas, enjoying time with your family, creating wonderful memories, and most importantly, remembering the wonderful man who came to this earth and sacrificed His life to be our Lord and Savior. May you all truly remember what this Holiday is all about. Merry Christmas!

Some days..

My blog is kind of turning into my venting board. So I'm sorry if you are looking for cute pictures or fun happy stories. Maybe next time :)

Today has been hard. I worked last night, and had a very busy night. I came home and luckily my mother-in-law kept payton for a few hours while I slept. I was so grateful for that. I always am. I laid in bed for a while though because my back was aching so bad. Being on my feet for 12 hours straight is affecting me A LOT sooner with this pregnancy. I am trying everything I know...chiropractor, icy hot, heat pad, hot bath, tylenol, etc etc. Some things help a bit...for a little while. But every time I work it aches constantly for at least a day or more. I also have pretty bad sciatic pain already. Between the back pain and the sciatic pain, sleeping has gotten to be difficult. Even when I come home from a long night of work exhausted. I struggle to sleep. And then when I finally get to sleep and am resting....I wake up cause I have to pee. ugh. It really is a good thing these little babies are worth it!

I woke up at 11:15 and went and got Payton. He is challenging lately. And I am loosing my patience. He has been whiny, moody, and throwing tantrums. His tantrums usually consist of him collapsing to the ground. It KILLS my back when I am holding his hand and all of a sudden he screams and drops to the floor. I don't want to let him go and have him get hurt..but having his dead weight by one hand really is hard. And often the only way to deal with him is to pick him up. Picking up my screaming crying 35 lb child is also painful for me. I don't know what to do. Rewarding him doesn't work. Time outs don't work. Taking things away doesn't work. I know I deserve every bit of what he gives me because I guess I was the same way as a 2 year old. But when I am running on 3ish hours of sleep, having worked the night before, and having constant back pain, I can't deal with it well. I am trying SO hard to be a good mom, especially the days after I work. I don't want to stick my kid in front of the TV with all the snacks and toys he wants, yet sometimes that is the only way I can function! I felt like I failed today. I lost my patience, yelled at him, put him in his room over and over again, and felt like I wanted to pull my hair out all day. How do I deal with him? Any suggestions? What works for your terrible two year olds? The problem is that I feel so bad for him at the same time. He misses his dad. He has a zombie mom. He knows what is allowed and what isn't. He knows when he is doing something wrong. He knows what punishments are, but it never stops him from doing it again. or ignoring me. or throwing a fit.

I had a list of things to do today, trying to get everything ready for Christmas. Devry will be home Saturday night, and may have to go back Christmas night, or monday at the latest. I want everything to be completely ready when he comes so we can spend the time he is home together, and not worry about getting "stuff" done. I want as much cooking done as possible. I want the house clean, the presents wrapped etc. I failed at my list. miserably. While Payton napped, I did dishes. And that is as far as I got. I don't know how I am going to get everything done.

Today I just feel like a failure..as a mom, a wife, a housekeeper. Devry got off work tonight, of course tired and worn out. We talked for a while and all I did was vent, complain, and acted like an insecure, emotional person. He felt so bad, and guilty that he wasn't home to help me with more. Yet, he isn't here because he is working between 13 and 18 hours a day! Making money to provide for us, and make it so I don't have to work after having the twins. I feel so bad that I spent our time talking causing him to feel bad.

This is hard. Distance is hard. Pregnancy emotions magnify everything. I know we are doing what we need to be. I know there are lessons we need to learn, experiences that will help us grow and trials that will make us better. I am hoping and praying that I can find a better attitude. That I can see the positive things more. That I can be more patient with Payton, and more supportive to Devry. That I can not dwell on the pain I am having with my pregnancy, and appreciate it more because it is part of the blessing of having two babies. I couldn't find that today. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Decisions.

Time feels like it is flying by!
Is it really Christmas in 15 days?
I have felt like the past 4 months have just flown by.
Yet the time drags on when Devry is gone.
How does that work? How can time fly and drag at the same time.

Devry has had some changes in his job that is both good and bad.
He has been training in the "shop" since August.
They decided he is ready to go out and be a "Frac" mechanic.
I didn't understand any of the terms...very briefly the "Frac" crew work to fracture the ground and put a pipe down to get the natural gas or oil. All they do is the fracture part and another company comes in and does the rest. Each crew has about 30 people on it, and tons of semi's and equipment that is involved. So Devry is the mechanic on the crew. He is training with another guy for a few weeks, then will be solely responsible to fix anything that breaks or malfunctions (that can be fixed on the site). Its a pretty big responsibility. I am so proud of him for working so hard and learning things so fast that they feel he is ready so soon.
So this change means a ton of changes for us.
First off, his hours will increase a ridiculous amount. While in the shop he was working 9, 13ish hour days, then had 5 off. For now he is keeping that schedule but on his 9 days on he will go out with the Frac crew. They work about 16-18 hours a day.
Once he is done training, he will switch to a different schedule. He will work for 2 weeks, then be off for 1. The first week he works he will be out with the crew. The second week he will be in the shop. The week off is going to be paid (right now his 5 days off aren't paid).
So the good and bad of all of this.

Good:

• The money is amazing. He will almost triple his income. It has completely taken away the stress I had about paying for the twins, and surviving without my income. I am excited I get to be a stay at home mom when I have them (Although I will try to stay PRN, to keep my skills up)
  
• It will give him so much experience. He will get to learn everything in the field, and continue to work on the more in depth problems while in the shop. It will give him such a wide knowledge base of everything. He will be working so many hours and therefore getting tons of experience.
  
• He gets 17 paid weeks off a year!

Bad:

• The hours make it so we won't get to talk. They travel from rock springs everyday to the site they are working. It is usually an hour or two away, and in the middle of nowhere. There usually isn't cell service. He leaves between 2 and 5 am..and doesn't get home till around 7-10pm. We won't talk much. He will probably Never talk to Payton during that week.
• He will be 6-8 hours away from home the weeks he is in the field. That scares me since my labor with Payton was 7 hours. I am really scared he will miss it.
• He will be gone 14 days at a time. 9 seemed like forever. 14 is going to be hard.
  
• He has to work in the freezing cold (although he has worked outside his entire life, so he doesnt' seem to worry too much about this part).
  

Anyways, we really are excited that he will gain experience, and our income will be significantly more. We are debating how long term this will be, and whether it is best for us to be apart, or if we should move there. I am having a very difficult time saying good bye lately. The days he is leaving I feel like I am emotionally on the edge all day. I loose it over the tiniest thing. I am not coping well with it all. When I actually have to say goodbye, I cannot hold it together. I know prego hormones are contributing a ton, but I don't see it getting any easier. Payton and I do fine while he is gone. We miss him like CRAZY, but we have our routine and it works. I get overwhelmed and stressed sometimes near the end of his time away. I am very nervous about doing it with 2 more babies. However, moving there means I know no one. And if Devry is working 17 plus hours a day, its not like I would get his help anyways. So maybe it is better to stay here where I have family, friends, co-workers and neighbors all willing to help me out. Who knows! All decisions we are trying to make!

I will for sure be staying here until after the babies are born. We need to stay here until February to avoid paying a large penalty on our house. Plus, I have not heard great things about the hospital in Rock Springs, and I love my Dr. I will not switch. Most likely I will stay here and use people's help the first few months. Then my mom will come in July, and we may go visit Nova Scotia in August. We are thinking that if we move there it may be in September or October, when the babies are a little older, and perhaps sleeping through the night? Hopefully we can sell our house and not have to stress about that. So many unanswered questions. So many decisions to make.

I am so incredibly grateful for Devry. He is the most hardworking, devoted husband in the world. I feel so badly for the crazy hours he has to work. He never complains. Ever. He willingly works his butt off so that our family can be provided for. And so I don't have to work after I have these babies. I know the hours and his job is harder then he will ever let on. I know being away from us makes it so difficult for him. I feel so lucky to have such a wonderful husband who does it all without complaint or negativity.

I sure do love that guy!

20 weeks!

I am officially 20 weeks! 5 months! Halfway there! (more then halfway technically...38 weeks is the max i'll go!!)
Everything is going GREAT!
I had my 20 week ultrasound on Thursday, and it was so fun to see these little guys again. This u/s was the in depth thorough one that looks at all of their body parts, organs, etc and makes sure they are doing great. And they are! Everything looked great. I cannot say enough good things about the amazing ultrasound tech I get to see each appointment. She is so good at her job, and so kind! She looked at absolutely everything! She gave us tons of pictures! Unfortunately baby A is so low and turned to the side that it was impossible for her to see his face. She got a quick peek one time but never got a picture. Because Baby B is higher, we have tons and tons of picture of him, and only a few of Baby A. I guess he is just going to be a mystery until he gets here! Unless of course he moves before my next appointment.
They are measuring good. Baby A is in the 50th percentile and Baby B in the 40th. It is expected for them to be a bit on the smaller side since there are two. If they weren't Di/Di twins (two placentas and sacs), they would be concerned with twin to twin transfusion, but luckily it isn't a concern!
Here are the two pictures I have of baby A from the ultrasound. Of course they are only of his feet and legs..cause everything else was so low!

And here are some of the Pictures of Baby B. I have tons more, but these are my favorites!

Profile

The tech switched to 3D to get a good picture of Baby B. There are tons of things I would rather spend a few hundred dollars on for these kiddo's then a 3D u/s , so I wouldn't have gotten one but she is awesome and took some 3d pics anyways :)

So those are some of the fun pictures we got. My Dr. told me that we will be doing an ultrasound every appointment from here on out to monitor their growth, positions, heart rates, etc. so the tech told me she is hopefully to get more pics of Baby A next time. Maybe he will cooperate :)

My appointment with my Dr was quick, and great! No problems, no concerns!
I am feeling really good! Just some back pain and sciatic pain that is to be expected. :) I am feeling them move a lot, and can really tell they are growing.
I am wearing a few maternity clothes now, and my baby bump is obvious.
Here are a few pictures of me at 20 weeks.

Definitely different then 2 weeks ago!

And of course Payton wanted to pose with me while I was taking pictures.
I know now they will just take off growing, and so will I.
As far as names go...we are so undecided. We want them to "go" together by starting with the same letter or sound. I don't want them to rhyme though. The problem is that we like a name, but can't think of another one with that sound that we like as much. I REALLY want them to be Rylin and Ryker, but Devry doesn't like either name. He wants Eli and Cooper (Peyton Manning has two little brothers names Eli and Cooper....and I'm not ok with naming them after the Manning Family). We both Love the names Mckay and Makai. I initially eliminated using them together because of how close sounding they are...but the more I hear them, the more I love them. I figure I am going to mix their names up and use the wrong one even if they don't sound anything alike, so I am starting to be ok with using them both. We will see, we are still very undecided and considering tons of names! Naming boys is hard for us! Naming two is VERY hard for us! I am very open to suggestions......so let's hear some! A few other ideas we have (and by we, I mean me mostly) are: Benson and Briar, Dawson and Denver, Cohen and Cooper.. We will see :)

Happy Thanksgiving!

Yesterday was Thanksgiving here in the US. My dad called me and left me a message to wish me a "Happy Fake Thanksgiving." That made me laugh. I do love getting to eat yummy turkey dinner two times a year, and celebrate with family. It is also really great to be able to have two times to reflect on the things I am thankful for. I am trying to be as Thankful, and positive as I can today as well, because it has been a hard one with Devry leaving to go back to WY.

• I am thankful for my sweet, adorable little boy.
• I am thankful for my wonderful husband, who works so hard and spends so much time traveling to provide for us.
• I am thankful for family, and the wonderful support and love they show us.
• I am thankful for my pregnancy, and the chance to have 2 more sweet boys!
• I am thankful for my job, which allows me not only to have a paycheck, but to have such a wider knowledge of pregnancy, delivery and caring for a newborn. Without it I would be much more unprepared for Twins!
• I am thankful for my house. Spending time in an apartment when we visit Devry makes me realize how much easier it is to raise kids in your own house, where you don't have to worry about them disturbing neighbors, crying to loud, jumping around too much, etc.
• I am thankful for my car! I have been driving our beat up '94 corolla until recently, since Devry had to take my Highlander to WY. He recently bought a car for him to drive so I could have mine back, and he could get better gas mileage. I am SO grateful to have my spacious, reliable, wonderful highlander back
• I am thankful for my faith, and the knowledge I have that God has a plan for us. I would be lost without it.
  

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving.

18 weeks

I had my 18 week appointment today (although I technically won't be 18 weeks till tomorrow). It went really well. We were excited when they told us they would be doing an ultrasound. With twins, its just too hard to find them both with the Doppler, and know you are getting both babies heartbeats, so checking quick on ultrasound is the easiest way. Well the ultrasound tech is awesome and "slipped" to check the genders! And lots of other things too.

So we got to find out that we are having 2 BOYS!

At first, baby B was uncooperative and had its legs closed. So she moved to Baby A who immediately made it known he was a HE, and very proud of it! She checked the heartbeat, and got some cute pictures of Baby A, then went back to Baby B, who had decided to cooperate. We saw right away that he was Also a HE.

Here are a couple of pictures she took of the babies.

After my ultrasound, we saw my Doctor really quick, who answered all my questions as always. Everything is going great!

We left and called some family members. They were excited to hear! We are excited to know, and to be able to start planning better. We are a little nervous to have 3 boys. Our house will definitely not be a quiet and peaceful place. We easily picked some girls names, but don't have a single boys name we agree on, let alone two!! So naming these two monkeys will be VERY difficult. We are very open to any suggestions! We are excited that we have a bit less stuff to buy since we have a lot of boy things already.

As far as my pregnancy goes, I can't complain too much! I kind of feel like I just skipped several weeks. With Payton, I remember feeling GREAT from when I stopped feeling nauseous (week 15 or so), until like week 30, when I started to get a bit uncomfortable from getting bigger. This time, I finally completely stopped feeling sick at week 16....then had a week or so where I felt fantastic! Then all of a sudden this last week I am getting a pretty sore back, lots more sciatic pain, and pelvic pain. They are just growing like crazy and I am feeling it! Oh well, its still very tolerable and I know its only gonna get worse.

I haven't shown a whole lot, which has kind of surprised me! I expected to just pop out a few weeks ago with there being two babies. I was so surprised when I didn't, that I got a bit nervous they weren't growing enough, something was wrong etc. I was happy to see that everything is just fine! I am finally starting to notice a difference in the way my clothes fit, and may have to bust out some maternity clothes in the next few weeks. I feel like I am carrying them really far in, which is part of the reason I think I have back pain. So here are 3 pictures, from weeks 16, 17, and 18. I notice a difference looking at these pictures, I think more then I've notice seeing the gradual change myself.

16 weeks

17 weeks

18 Weeks

I'm still doing great with work, and getting everything done that I need to. I am happy to have a bit more energy lately. Everything is going great! We moved Payton into his new room and new bed so we can start getting the nursery ready. I am so excited to find a fun theme, and redecorate it for these two boys. Payton has been talking about the "2 baby brothers" all evening. We know he will love having two little brothers to play with!

Pictures of Payton

My very talented friend Heidi took some pictures of Payton. She did an incredible job! I am so happy to have these pictures! I can't wait to get some printed to put up on my walls.


This last one was really fun. We have him in his big brother shirt and asked him how many babies is mommy going to have. So he holds up 2 fingers. It was cute!
This little guy is getting so big! He is talking like CRAZY! It is so cute to hear him put sentences together now. The other day he came and stole something from my room while I was getting ready...I think it was my hairbrush. Then he ran as fast as he could to the family room where Devry was. All I hear is him yell. "Hurry, hurry, Mommy's gonna get me!!!" We were laughing so hard! He is such a little character.
I think some of our favorite moments are when he first wakes up, in the morning or from naps. He says the funniest things. When we hear him starting to stir, we just wait for him to start talking so we can laugh. Lots of mornings he asks for his cousins, or grandparents, or the dogs. Other mornings he yells things he wants (apple juice, socks, jacket, his monkey etc). Other mornings he just has little conversations with himself about who knows what. One afternoon we had to go wake him up from his nap to go help Devry's Brother Tim with something. We go in and ask him if he wants to go see uncle Tim. He Yells " NO WAY! Go away" I guess he wasn't ready to get up.
He makes us laugh all the time. He is so sweet and gives me hugs and kisses constantly throughout the day. He loves playing with his toys, especially his cars and farm set. He loves watching movies, especially Cars, toy Story and Curious George. Devry is always saying how much he changes when he is gone for 9 days to WY. It makes me so sad that Devry misses so much with him. Hopefully it won't last forever.