Fall

Fall has officially arrived! Payton and I have been having lots of fun playing outside in the leaves. Here are some pictures of Payton playing outside, eating apples, and getting tackled by puppies. He really misses the puppies, he looks for them everytime we go outside. Its really cute, he walks around the yard barking, and signing "dog" and after a few minutes of not finding them, he looks at me and puts his hands up like he's saying "where'd they go?"





Devry is finished with potato harvest, and I am enjoying seeing him again.

Attitude..

I am not sure exactly what to say in this post, or why I am writing it. I just feel like I need to. It will probably seem unorganized and random. I will probably sound whiny, and ungrateful. That is not my intention. I just have so much on my mind, and need to vent.
I have really been struggling with my attitude lately. I am a generally happy, positive person. Lately I have felt so negative. I don't WANT to have such a bad attitude, but I am not sure how to change it. I try every morning to tell myself that it is going to be a great day. I try to constantly remind myself of all the wonderful blessings I have in my life. I try to look at the good things. I try to do service for others. I try to be kind and thoughtful. But somehow, most days have ended with me feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, mad, dissapointed, sad, or all of the above. And almost every day ends in tears.
I am extremely homesick. I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss the ocean, trees, lakes, rivers. I reallly miss my mom.
We took a trip home in August. It was a much needed trip. I thought it would help ease my homesickness. But it didn't. It made it way worse. When I was there, I dreaded leaving, and now all I want to do is go back.
I have lived in Idaho for 4 years now. I didn't like it when I moved here, but I thought it would grow on me. I am still waiting for that to happen. I have tried to fake it, hoping that eventually I would just love it. I finally talked with Devry and explained that I am so sick of pretending. A huge part of my feelings are because of a lack of close friends, and I am lonely.
At every "stage" in my life, I have had wonderful girlfriends. You know, those kind of friends you can rely on no matter what, who will always be there for you. Who you can trust, and talk to about anything. Except for now. Of course I have Devry. He is my best friend. And he is all of those things.....except he is a boy. He doesn't want to have "girl talks" with me. Or do "girl" things, plus he is gone all day everyday. I had some great friends as roommates, and then some really good friends in nursing school. But they have all moved away. Since nursing school I haven't had that. I thought that between work and church I would have tons of great friends. I do have lots of "acquaintances" or "ok" friends, but none that I would consider "great" friends. I get along with most people just fine...but nobody I completely trust and can rely on. Actually its the opposite. I have had such a hard time finding many people I trust here. I don't know what it is about Rexburg, but I find alot of people very mean. Gossipy, and just mean. when I hear someone talk bad about another person who is supposed to be a friend really makes me hesitate to trust that person. And it happens alot. I feel like so many people are fake, and add my own insecurities, I don't want friends like that. I have sister in laws who I am close to, who I trust and I can't discount that. They are GREAT. I probably sound like an immature 13 year old girl.....I know, but friends are very important to me...especially when my own family isn't close. I am so social, and I feel like I need friends. I want to have friends with kids Paytons age, and have fun playdates and outings. I want to have a "girls night" once in a while. I feel lonely.
I am overwhelmed with things in my life right now. Payton is at a very difficult age for me. I love him more then anything, but he tests my patience daily...no hourly. He messes up my house while I am cleaning...I feel like my house is in a constant stage of messy and disorganized. He cries, whines, and screams a lot. He has started hitting, and I don't know what to do to get him to stop. I try time out...I try taking away things....I try explaining it to him. He doesn't understand and turns around and hits me. He is in a very big "daddy" phase, where all he wants is Devry...not me. I love that he loves Devry so much, but it makes it so challenging to deal with a fussy little boy all day while he constantly asks for his daddy....then watch him become so happy in the evenings once Devry gets home. Why can't I have more of the happy mood? I feel like I am doing something terribly wrong and that is why he doesn't care if I am around or not, but really cares if devry is.
I feel behind. On my house, on my budget, on my meal planning. I have been putting so many things aside lately to do P90X, because I am trying so hard to loose weight. And I have only lost 2 lbs, in 3 1/2 weeks of INTENSE, and EXTREMELY difficult workouts. And I know people will say that I am building muscle so I'm not going to loose lbs initially...but Its not that. I probably am building muscle. But I don't feel any better. My clothes don't fit me better. I still feel gross. I am so discouraged.
When I think about my life, I begin to feel so guilty for feeling so unhappy. I have the most wonderful husband ever, an adorable, healthy little boy, a good job, a nice house, wonderful family. But then while I sit here alone and write this post, I look around and see my house completely torn apart, I hear Payton crying in his crib because he doesn't want to go to bed without seeing Devry and I am trying to make him, I know Devry won't be home for at least another hour, I think about how I have to go to Boise tomorrow to deliver puppies alone because Devry has to work, plus add to all of it my constant state of exhaustion from working nights and not sleeping much....and I can't help but cry. I spend so much time feeling overwhelmed, discouraged, angry, lonely, and upset. Is it all just a mindset that I have to work to change? I don't know, but I just feel like I spend so much time faking it and pretending that I am completely happy, and everything in my life is great, but yet I am struggling so much on the inside.

Fun weekend!

We had such a fun weekend! Devry's brother Ted and his family came to visit for the weekend, so since almost the whole family was in town, we decided it would be a good time to celebrate Canadian Thanksgiving. We had tons of yummy food! The funniest part was when I first walked in, Trey, carter, and Kaden (our nephews) said together "Happy Thanksgiving, EH!" Devry's brother Dan had been practicing with them.
Here are a few pictures of Sunday. I really am horrible at remembering to take pictures. I take one or two, then set my camera down and thats all I get.

Here is Trey sitting at the table waiting to eat, wearing my Canada hat :)



Payton ready for the day with his canada Shirt on. He had the hat on, but pulled it off just as I snapped the picture.

And Carter having his turn wearing the hat :)

It was so much fun to spend the weekend with family. I havn't seen Devry much lately, since he is doing harvest, so it was good to spend some time with people. This next week is going to be very long. They are hoping to be done digging potatoes by Friday or Saturday, but it means a week of Devry leaving at 5 or 6 am, and not getting home till 9 or so, with no lunch break. It is the hardest on the days I work, because I leave for work way before he gets home, then he walks out the door when I walk in from work. We will go days without even seeing each other. This is the 5th year that we have been dating or married during harvest, and by far the hardest. The first 3 years were still very busy, but I would go visit him every day. I'd take him lunch, and just go spend time with him. Then last year Payton and I were in Nova Scotia the entire time, so it wasn't like I would have seen him if he was home. This year is hard, because I'm working a lot more, and if we go visit, we only stay for a few minutes because Payton doesn't like being confined to his stroller, but he gets into way to many things if I let him out, so he ends up getting mad really quickly. I'm thinking that once harvest is over we are going to have to dump Payton on somebody for a day, or even a day and a night so we can go do something fun together. Oh I can't wait to have my husband back!

Hard Days.

Today was a hard day. Payton has been very fussy and cranky the past week. I assumed it was teething (he is getting 4 pre-molars). Then he started coughing and became so congested. So I thought it was allergies. After benadryl did nothing, and his cough kept getting worse, I finally started to think he was sick for real. His cough has been so bad, and I can hear his raspy breathing all night on the monitor. I worried it was strep throat or croup. I took him to a doctor (not his doctor, who was out of the office), and the conclusion was most likely croup (the strep test was negative). So since there isn't really a whole lot we can do for croup. I have been trying my best to be patient with my whiny, fussy, irritable baby.
Then today...I woke up with a bad sore throat. Luckily I have the best doctor ever, who called me in prescriptions after a simple phone call. No dragging my sick and cranky child to the doctors office. I did have other meetings and errands I had to run though. By the time we were driving home from everything we had to do, Payton was screaming at the top of his lungs, and I was in tears. He slept for only 40 minutes because he started coughing so much. And the rest of the day has been Payton crying, fussing, whining, screaming, and me trying to cope with it.
I love my little boy more then anything, but days like to days makes me realize how difficult being a mom can be. It also makes me realize how much my mom did for me. I remember one time when my mom was sick she drove us around to different places we needed to be. I even remember her stopping the car because she had to throw up. And another time when everyone in the family was sick, including her, and she spent the entire time taking care of us. And I completely took it for granted. It really takes being on the other end of it to truly appreciate it.

Happy Nothing Day!

I was looking through my blog, and realized I have been pretty good about blogging the major things in our life, but not the small things. I decided I am going to try to post more about our "nothing days." The days we stay at home, and do "nothing." (Although, usually those are the days I do TONS around the house). So here are a few nothing moments from the past week or so.


Today has been a "nothing" day. Just our normal routine. Payton was really nice and slept in till 9 this morning. I can't get over how much this boy sleeps! He sleeps 12-13 hours a night without making a peep, and still takes 2 naps (usually 1 1/2 - 2 hours each). I will let him sleep as much as he wants and am in no rush to eliminate a nap! He is so happy when he is awake because he is so rested. After waking up, we ate breakfast and I gave him a bath.

He loves the tub! I let him play for about a half hour. After his bath, we played with his toys. About 10:30 he started to get tired, so we read some books and I asked him if he was ready for a nap. He started to sign "milk." So I went and made him his bottle. He is so funny. He comes to the kitchen with me, and signs milk over and over again while I make his bottle. When I start to put the cover on, he runs to the family room, sits down and waits for me to bring him is bottle. Here he is waiting. I promise he isn't always naked to his diaper :)

Then, I hand him his bottle and he lays down and drinks it so fast!

Then he goes and finds his pacifier. We are working on limiting the amount he is allowed his pacifier to nap time only. It has been working really well, and gets so excited to have it when it is nap time. After he finds his pacifier, he walks into his room, and stands by his crib. He is so good at going to sleep.


I pick him up, give him tons of kisses, and lay him down. I hand him his blankie, and "ugly doll" (my friends from highschool gave it to him when he was a newborn....and its the stuffed animal he has gotten attached to) and turn off the lights. He just lays and talks for about 5-10 minutes, then falls asleep.

I love mornings like today. I love when he wakes up in the morning and starts to play. I walk in to get him, and he gets SO excited to see me. I love eating breakfast together, and then having playtime. I love how happy my little boy is.

A few other fun moments lately have been with the puppies. Payton just LOVES them. He sees them or hears them and starts signing dog over and over. If I ask him where the puppies are, he goes to the window and starts imitating them (making a high pitched barking noise). He tries to pick them up, usually by an ear, a tail or a collar. We have to watch him pretty close with them. Here he is holding one, and sitting with all of them



Yesterday, Devry and I were getting dinner ready. Payton was playing in the next room, then it got quiet...too quiet. We go around the corner to see what he was up to and this is what we find.

He had gotten his diaper cream out of his diaper bag, and opened it up. It was everywhere!

Here is Payton pulling his John deer truck around. He does this ALL day. He takes it from room to room with him. If he forgets it in another room and realizes it, he starts signing "car" and runs to find his truck. The funniest part is when he is pulling it, he makes a "car" noise by blowing raspberries. He constantly has a drool stain on his shirt from blowing raspberries.


I adore my little boy. I am so grateful for a job that allows me to be home with him everyday and work while he sleeps. He is my world, and I love every second I have with him.

Nova Scotia Trip!

Our Trip to Nova Scotia this year was so much fun! We went for 15 days, and had such a blast with family and friends!

On August 17th we flew there, and the day was very long. Payton is at an age where he wants to run and run, and didn't understand why we wouldn't let him go. He did pretty well considering, but would not sleep on our laps, so he was a very cranky and tired boy by the time we got into halifax. He slept well that night and adjusted so easily to the time change!

On the 18th, My sister and I went to Halifax together. We did some shopping, then went to the Backstreet Boys concert with our friends Nadine and Stephanie. It was so much fun! After the concert, jasmine and I headed to my dads house (which was 2 1/2 hours from where the concert was). We left halifax at 11:30, expecting to get home by 2. Well, we have both only been to my dads new house once, and got lost 2 times. We drove for an hour in the wrong direction. So, we got there at 4am....we actually had so much fun talking and catching up. It was great! Here are a few pictures of our fun night at the concert.




We spent the next week with my dad. He has moved to parsborro, which is a small town right on the ocean. We took Payton to the beach, and he LOVED the rocks and water.



We also went to visit my dad's mom a few times. It was great to see my nanny. She enjoyed seeing her only great-grand child.



After a fun week with my dad and Elizabeth, we headed to my moms. Both of my parents have moved since I was home, and now live 4 hours apart. Payton did so Great with all the travelling.

When we were at my moms we enjoyed her new house on the ocean (at the opposite end of the province from my dad). We went to a small amusement park called Upper clements Park. I went there alot as a child so it was fun to take Payton.
Here are a few pictures of our day at the park.
Payton loved driving the trucks. He was so cute and would make "vroom vroom" noises.
Devry doesn't go on any rides, so he took him on the playground. Payton loved the slide!
I think the airplanes were his favorite. He loved going up and down in them.
The antique cars were fun. It was the first ride we went on and Payton was a little unsure of what we were doing.

We went to visit my moms parents several times. Last time we were home, my grampie was very sick and in the hospital. At that time we didn't know if he would make it, so to see him up and walking around this trip was a miracle! It was so great to see them, and they just adore Payton!!

My grampie would Play with Payton. It was so cute to see them play together!!
My nanny and Grampie with some of their grandkids.
Payton loved running around their house chasing their dog Rocky.
Payton with my mom (his nanny), and my Nanny and Grampie
Grampie pushing Payton around in his walker. They both had a blast! It was funny to hear them making "vroom vroom" noises together!

One really exciting part of being home was seeing my brother and sister. I saw Jasmine last year when I was home, but I hadn't seen Justin in 3 years, and he hadn't met Payton yet. Here are a few pictures of them!




Payton with Justin and Sara

We also had a lot of fun being outside at my moms. Devry helped Trent split wood, and we did some gardening. Payton was a big help too :)


We had such a great trip! I wish it wasn't so expensive to go....I'd like to be there more. Payton had so much fun with his grandparents. He is such a great baby, and did so well! He even stayed with my mom and Trent over night while Devry and I went away for a night to a great B&B(my graduation present from my mom). We enjoyed spending some time together, and my mom and trent enjoyed having Payton.

The trip home was smoother then the trip there. Payton slept on our laps (suprisingly!), and was fairly happy the whole way. Delta lost our stroller, but other then that the flights were un-eventful. We can't wait to go back soon!!

Busy busy busy

We have been so busy enjoying the past month that I havn't gotten around to blogging about it. We have been in Nova Scotia visiting my family for the past 2 weeks. I have lots of pictures of that to come! A quick list of things we have been up to.
- Daisy had 7 puppies (2 boys, 5 girls) on the 15th. Just 2 days before we left! Devry's parents have been taking care of them, and they are growing so much! I have to start putting up ads to sell them.
- We traded in our car a bit over a month ago. We got a toyota highlander. I LOVE it!
- Payton is growing and learning so much! He is trying to say more things, and can sign almost 30 words. Its so great that he can show us what he wants by signing.
- We are so excited to both be off of school this fall. Lots of projects we hope to get done!
- We had such a great trip to Nova Scotia. I got to see my brother for the first time in 3 years, as well as the rest of my family. I will post more about it later. its good to be home so we can get back into our routine.