Stressed.

This week, I have recieved all of the medical bills from Payton's surgery (and yes, I am purposely NOT going into detail about the surgery) Total cost: $10 000! (hospital = 6000, doctor= 2500, anesthesia = 1500). That isn't including the $300 we already paid in gas to drive to Boise, and hotels to stay there. Insurance will cover about $6000, and then our tax return should cover the rest. We really thought we would be just fine.

Except... the surgery didn't work. He has to have it re-done in 6 months. So add on another $10 000. If we are lucky, insurance will cover a bit more the second time, maybe $7500. We also now have to make a second trip in March for a check up, and then a third trip in the summer for surgery #2. Thats another $500.

I don't understand it. If I am paying $10 000 for something, shouldn't there be a guarantee of it working?! And if not, shouldn't they have to pay to fix the problem?? She never even told us it may not work. Apparantly in less than 5% of cases it doesn't....but we never knew that!

So now my question is whether I go back to the same Doctor to have it done again, or try a different one? The first one may give us a big discount because she knows we can't afford it, but is it worth it? Plus my insurance has specific doctors that are "in network." She is the only "in network" doctor that can do his surgery, and if I go to an out of network doctor, the insurance won't cover nearly as much.

So...there goes our tax return, plane tickets to go to Nova Scotia this summer, and the money we make from selling puppies, and even still we will be in debt.

UGH, I can't even describe my hate of the American Health Care System right now.

Wonderful Baby!

Payton is growing up so fast! He is such a pleasant and happy baby! He is all smiles and giggles! He is rolling all over the place, and very interested in everything around him. I want to upload a video of him giggling and playing so bad, but blogger won't let me for some reason. Here are some pictures instead.

He is trying to grab the camera in this picture. Anything we have he wants (especially cell phones)

I had to put this picture because of his crazy hair! I really should cut it, but It seems so weird to cut a baby's hair! He is actually enjoying his tummy now. He has realized that he can reach things and see things better. He flips back and forth all the time from his back to front.

All smiles!! I love his dimples!

Puppies!

To our suprise...Daisy had her puppies on the 27th-28th (5 on the 27th, 2 on the 28th). She had 7, but unfortunately one little male puppy didn't make it. We have 4 females and 2 males. they are so small and cute. Daisy is such a good mom, and did just fine while we went to Boise for 2 days. Devry's Parents stopped by a few times a day to let Daisy and Dash out, although Daisy didn't go outside for the first day and a half because she doesn't like leaving her puppies when someone is around that she doesnt know well (basically anyone but me or Devry). We are excited to have more puppies (and for the money we will make from them).

Our trip to Boise went really well. Payton did great with surgery. He is recovering very well, and seems like himself (besides being extra tired from the Lortab).

Feeling Guilty...

Devry and I were packing tonight, getting ready to go to Boise for a doctors appointment and stuff for payton. We took the dogs out for an hour or so to play with them before going to bed. Like usual, Daisy immediately found her tennis ball and wanted to play fetch. She was a little slow and had to stop to catch her breath a few times, but we just figured she was getting more and more pregnant and just didn't have the same energy. No big deal. They came inside for another hour or so, ate, then kept wanting to go back outside. So we let them out to their pen. We were about to go to bed when we heard Dash barking like crazy. Devry went out to check on them, and Daisy had gone in the shed and had 3 puppies! We were so suprised! We didn't think she was due for another 3 or 4 weeks! Plus..last time she had puppies she wouldn't play or eat for HOURS before she had them. We ran them all inside, under a heater, and they were just fine. Then Daisy had one more (making 2 boys and 2 girls). We decided to go to sleep and check on her in a few hours. We had just got into bed when Devry thought that maybe he should go check to make sure one hadn't crawled under something in the shed. He went out, and to our horror he found a poor little puppy...out in the snow, way away from the shed. It must have been the first one she had...and then went in the shed to have the other three. It had been out there for way to long and had died. I am feeling unbelievably guilty! First that she wasn't inside in the first place, second that we didn't realize she was in labor (I mean I'm a Labor nurse for goodness sakes!), and third that we didn't look better when we first went out to get them. When we decided to breed them, I knew there was a good chance she would loose a puppy or two....and I would be ok with that, if it hadn't of died because of me! It just never even dawned on us that she had one before going into the shed, especially because it was less then an hour from the time we let her out to when we realized she had 3 puppies...I mean 3 puppies in an hour was crazy...so we never figured there was another one. It was so different with this litter! The last time, she spent about 2 hours gathering things (blankets, toys etc) and making a "bed" to have the puppies in. This time she didn't do any of that! I can't figure out why she didn't pick up the puppy and bring him into the shed. I don't know. I keep going through it in my mind wondering how I could have changed the outcome. I didn't think I would cry my eyes out like this over a puppy! At least she had them tonight instead of tomorrow night,when we would be in Boise and noone would be here. If that had've happened we most likely would have lost all of them.

So of course now I am wide awake, feeling very guilty, and we are leaving for Boise in 5 hours, for another emotional roller coaster. I havn't told very many people much about this, but Payton will be having surgery on Friday. Its really a very minor surgery and nothing of big concern, but still....he has to be under anesthetic, and I wont be with him, and that scares me. I know everything will be just fine.....but it doesnt change that I'm very nervous.

I guess I am just getting all of my emotional rollercoasters over with in a matter of a few days. Hopefully when we get back from Boise, and I know Payton is fine, I can be a bit more excited about having puppies again. For now, I am having a hard time looking at the 4 and not crying about the fifth one that should be with them.

Cute Baby

Payton is so much fun! Here are his latest achievements:

1. Rolling over BOTH ways. (but really he only goes from back to tummy if he REALLY wants to get something...then he rolls right back)
2. Smiling EVERY time I walk in the room
3. Major increase in his babbling. He is even trying to copy me. His best is "ii" (when I say Hi). He also includes "oooo" "ahhhh" "mmmmm"
4. Squeeling in delight when i kiss his cheeks
5. Shaking all of his rattles (and hitting himself in the face with them)
6. Giving hugs....or at least I think he is. He grabs me (my face, ears, hair etc) and pulls me as close as he can. he does the same thing with his Teddy Bear.
7. Sitting up.....kind of. He will for a bit...then all of a sudden face plant on the ground. I still don't leave him alone sitting without his boppy around him.
8. Trying to eat everything and anything we are. If he sees us eating he yells at us if we aren't giving him something to eat. Meal time is now us taking turn feeding him his veggie or fruit. And if we wait to long between bites he gets mad and yells
9. Sucking his thumb after every bite of food. Bite goes in...thumb follows...he swallows...thumb comes out....mouth opens for next bite...We have to hold his hands down while we are feeding him unless we want to give him a bath right after.
10. Chewing on his toes.

And the latest entertainment for Payton is.... A bottle of apple juice with handles. I had come down with a nasty flu yesterday and was desperate for some sleep, and Payton was wanting entertained. So I grabbed a bottle, filled it 3/4 with water, 1/4 with apple juice and handed it to him. Now he has never been good at holding a bottle...even with handles. He always drops it then crys till I give it back to him. Not today! He LOVED the juice and sat for 2 hours smiling, laughing, drinking, and talking to his bottle of juice. He would drop it, and then roll over and pick it up. He was SO cute! And best of all...he was happy for 2 hours after his juice was gone. So giggly and smiley. I got some good rest thanks to that wonderful bottle of juice!

I love my little guy so much! He is so much fun! Such a pleasant and happy baby.

Teething baby

Payton is getting his two bottom teeth. They are finally both through the gums. He really hasn't been very fussy at all, just a bit more clingy and needy. His right one came in first, and we didn't even know until it was almost through. The left one seems to be a bit more painful for him. I have had to give him tylenol a couple of times and some teething tablets. All in all though he has been great! I can't figure something out though, maybe all the moms out there can share some insight. About a month ago, Payton had a bad cough and cold. He seemed to get over most of it, but the congestion stayed. I used saline drops, humidifiers, vicks baby rub, and nothing seemed to improve it. Finally the doctor saw him when he went for his shots, and started him on singulair, thinking it was allergies. Its been about a week and the congestion is MUCH better. I just don't know whether it really was allergies, or just teething. Do babies get congested and stuffy while teething? I may have to try taking away the singulair for a few days to see if it comes back. It makes it hard when he is having more then one problem at the same time, how do you know what really causes it, and takes care of it?

Quick update on me: Healthy eating and exercise is going great! I have started p90x with Devry, and still continue to do my eliptical or zumba every day. As of my weigh in yesterday.....9 lbs down!! I am not below my prepregnant weight! I'm enjoying the changes i am making. I feel much better. I am working this weekend, and am going to try to take healthy snacks to eat, and keep on track!

Feeling Great!

I think I forgot how GREAT it feels to eat healthy and exercise. I have been so diligent this week in staying on track with my goals, and it payed off when I weighed in 5 lbs less this morning then I did last week. I don't know that I have ever been this motivated to get into shape, at least not for me (I have been motivated to be in shape for basketball, or swimming, but not simply for myself). I am enjoying planning meals, and planning workouts. I look forward to working out everyday, and am anxious when I dont get to until the evening. I am watching my calorie intake very closely with www.myfitnesspal.com. What a WONDERFUL and EASY way to help you loose weight, check it out! I have more energy, I am happier, I feel good about myself, and about my progress. Devry has been AMAZING in helping me. He even eats what I eat (mostly)...including Salad and other vegetables (although he substituted his sweet potato for a "real potato" of course loaded with ranch and cheese..haha). I really want these habits to become part of our lives. I got rid of ALL of our junk food. If its not in front of me, I won't eat it. No more late night nachos, or sugar filled cereal. I am trying to substitute everything unhealthy in our diet with something healthy.

My challenge is when I work. I work nights, 6pm to 6am. I cannot figure out how to balance my diet with my work schedule. Do I eat all night then not eat the next day? Do I still try to eat dinner before I leave and not eat all night while I work? I just don't know when to eat dinner? Any suggestions? I have used snacking as a way to stay awake. I WILL be stopping that. Last time I worked, I got tired about 2am, and instead of making my usual 2 am toast and mountain dew, I grabbed a cup of ice chips and snacked my heart out on them.

I am feeling great and loving it!