My blog is kind of turning into my venting board. So I'm sorry if you are looking for cute pictures or fun happy stories. Maybe next time :)
Today has been hard. I worked last night, and had a very busy night. I came home and luckily my mother-in-law kept payton for a few hours while I slept. I was so grateful for that. I always am. I laid in bed for a while though because my back was aching so bad. Being on my feet for 12 hours straight is affecting me A LOT sooner with this pregnancy. I am trying everything I know...chiropractor, icy hot, heat pad, hot bath, tylenol, etc etc. Some things help a bit...for a little while. But every time I work it aches constantly for at least a day or more. I also have pretty bad sciatic pain already. Between the back pain and the sciatic pain, sleeping has gotten to be difficult. Even when I come home from a long night of work exhausted. I struggle to sleep. And then when I finally get to sleep and am resting....I wake up cause I have to pee. ugh. It really is a good thing these little babies are worth it!
I woke up at 11:15 and went and got Payton. He is challenging lately. And I am loosing my patience. He has been whiny, moody, and throwing tantrums. His tantrums usually consist of him collapsing to the ground. It KILLS my back when I am holding his hand and all of a sudden he screams and drops to the floor. I don't want to let him go and have him get hurt..but having his dead weight by one hand really is hard. And often the only way to deal with him is to pick him up. Picking up my screaming crying 35 lb child is also painful for me. I don't know what to do. Rewarding him doesn't work. Time outs don't work. Taking things away doesn't work. I know I deserve every bit of what he gives me because I guess I was the same way as a 2 year old. But when I am running on 3ish hours of sleep, having worked the night before, and having constant back pain, I can't deal with it well. I am trying SO hard to be a good mom, especially the days after I work. I don't want to stick my kid in front of the TV with all the snacks and toys he wants, yet sometimes that is the only way I can function! I felt like I failed today. I lost my patience, yelled at him, put him in his room over and over again, and felt like I wanted to pull my hair out all day. How do I deal with him? Any suggestions? What works for your terrible two year olds? The problem is that I feel so bad for him at the same time. He misses his dad. He has a zombie mom. He knows what is allowed and what isn't. He knows when he is doing something wrong. He knows what punishments are, but it never stops him from doing it again. or ignoring me. or throwing a fit.
I had a list of things to do today, trying to get everything ready for Christmas. Devry will be home Saturday night, and may have to go back Christmas night, or monday at the latest. I want everything to be completely ready when he comes so we can spend the time he is home together, and not worry about getting "stuff" done. I want as much cooking done as possible. I want the house clean, the presents wrapped etc. I failed at my list. miserably. While Payton napped, I did dishes. And that is as far as I got. I don't know how I am going to get everything done.
Today I just feel like a failure..as a mom, a wife, a housekeeper. Devry got off work tonight, of course tired and worn out. We talked for a while and all I did was vent, complain, and acted like an insecure, emotional person. He felt so bad, and guilty that he wasn't home to help me with more. Yet, he isn't here because he is working between 13 and 18 hours a day! Making money to provide for us, and make it so I don't have to work after having the twins. I feel so bad that I spent our time talking causing him to feel bad.
This is hard. Distance is hard. Pregnancy emotions magnify everything. I know we are doing what we need to be. I know there are lessons we need to learn, experiences that will help us grow and trials that will make us better. I am hoping and praying that I can find a better attitude. That I can see the positive things more. That I can be more patient with Payton, and more supportive to Devry. That I can not dwell on the pain I am having with my pregnancy, and appreciate it more because it is part of the blessing of having two babies. I couldn't find that today. Maybe tomorrow will be better.
6 comments:
you sound like me...moving has been really hard for me and I feel like all i do is tell joe how i am sad and frustrated. of course being pregnant and husband gone is worse. i tell ya, i think i just go into survival mode when my kids are 2 & 3 yrs old. They survive on signing time and sesame str movies! don't feel bad about that....you are tired and pregnant and it's not going to hurt them to watch a movie 3 times in a row. we do a lot of time outs....and counting to 3 has seemed to work w/ nolan. even if it doesn't seem like it's working, keep doing it and eventually they'll learn what the consequence is from it. like i'll say nolan, you'll get a time out if you don't sit at the table w/ your food...okay, 1,2,3....pick him up and he goes to his room for like 3 min. well, you'll figure it out. find some friends to help take payton for a playdate w/ kids his age or a little older. maybe someone could do every tues for 2 hrs etc. i've done that for friends and not expected money or to switch turns. have a good Christmas, I'm glad Devry will be there Christmas morning!
Here's hoping tomorrow will be better! As far as discipline goes, I agree with what Lisa H. said, consistency is key. Even if you feel like whatever approach your doing isn't working, keep doing it. Stick with something and eventually it will click. We do the counting to 3 and once we get to 3 the boys have to sit on the stairs or in the cornor for 2-3 minutes depending on who it is. It works for us. Good Luck!!
I am so sorry Chels. I wish I was in Rexburg and could help you. My sister is there over the Christmas break and I know she would be more than willing to come and help you out with ANYTHING. Infact she is staying at my great gmas in Plano and would probably love an excuse to get out of the house. She is so good with kids and would love to watch Payton for you. Let me know if you need/want her number. And as far as the discipline goes, I agree with everything said. I am sure that Payton is just going through a stage and it will get better. I am sure it is everything you mentioned; missing Devry, noticing that you are tired or gone to work and he is just acting out to get that attention. He can probably sense that a change is coming and he doesn't like it. Honestly, on days like you described sometimes you just need to vent and cry and let it all out. Just put Payton in his room, go to your room and pray. I know that sounds so cheesy, but it works. Heavenly Father will and can help you through this. Good luck and call me if you need to vent! Love you girl!
Poor Chels:(
It is tough to have a hard day...and say good bye to your husband..and be pregnant..and have a two year old!
1-2-3 works because it takes preschoolers longer to process information. Of course it just takes my 2 year old the much time to say no anyway...but being consistent does EVENTUALLY pay off...we do 1-2-3 stairs (behind a baby gate) when he purposely misbehaves, then a quick hug and a distraction to something else. The tantrums are part of being two...they have big emotions for their little bodies and not the words or power to express them. Keep your sympathy up:) comfort him, or leave him for a few minutes...talking them down is futile:) but a little bottle of bubbles can do wonders for winding it down faster:)
can you get a babysitter for a few hours a week? You are doing more than is expected right now I think. Something has to give:) Christmas is about about memories...not the details...give yourself a break:) xo
Oh Chelsea! I AM SO SORRY!!! 1. We need to wait until March to try again, so my life is pretty "easy" right now. E-mail me and get my number (willis.katy@gmail.com). I'm usually pretty available, even on short notice. 2. Although the circumstances are very different, I feel like maybe I can relate with the boys' pregnancies. We were in survival mode and that meant lots of movies and computer, that cereal counted as dinner, etc. :) That was what we HAD to do to get through those months. Yes it came at a price because I couldn't discipline the same way, but it was the best I could do...and the best you can do is just that: the best you can do! HUGS!
Oh sweet Chelsey you can make it!! you are doing a fantastic job even though you can't see it from the inside view. I totally understand the zombie mom thing and it sucks being apart from the hubby sucks and being pregnant during all of that makes everything suck even worse. Your sweet little guy is just at that naughty little age where they seem to want to make everything harder for you and now being pregnant everything IS harder. just keep swimming maternity leave will be here before you know it and then you can be a zombie mom for a better cause right, staying up with your own babies is better than for some one elses. You can make it but good luck anyway.
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