I am writing this post in hopes to get some advice and suggestions from other moms out there!
Payton has really done very well adjusting to having 2 new brothers.
He is so loving and kind to them, and loves to help out in any way he can.
The first 3 weeks was especially good, since Devry was home to devote a pretty much unlimited amount of time to Payton. They played and played, and Payton was in Heaven having his dad around 24/7. I really was able to focus on Cohen and Kayson, and establish a good routine and become comfortable breastfeeding them both. It was such a great transition for us all to have Devry home.
The couple days after Devry left were actually very smooth. Our neighbor (and Devry's cousin) has 4 kids (ages 5-15) that Payton LOVES to play with. They were out of school on spring break last monday-wednesday. They came and took Payton for hours at a time and he had a blast with them..plus I got a bit of a break. Then My SIL Rachelle took him for a morning for me, and grandma came and played with Payton too. Even with all the fun things Payton was doing, he started become much more defiant then normal when he was home with me.
Then this week it has gotten worse...much worse. I am sure he is reacting to having new brothers, and to Devry leaving...but it is a very very difficult thing for me to deal with.
He will not listen to me. At all. I tell him to stop something, he looks at me and continues doing it. I ask him to do something, he refuses. I make him do something and he throws a HUGE tantrum.
I have tried so many things and nothing is working. Counting to 3, time outs, taking away things he loves, rewarding him for good behavior, praising him for everything he does good. etc
I make sure to spend as much time as I can with him, playing, reading, singing, etc. I make sure he gets my undivided attention every single day doing something fun.
I only let him watch TV when I am nursing, since that is the most challenging time. At first this worked great, but lately he has discovered he can go do whatever he wants during that time, and I can't go get him. 2 days ago he smeared handfuls of conditioner on the walls and windows. Yesterday he was putting all his bath toys in the toilet. He just finds things he knows he is not allowed to do, and does them while I'm nursing. I try giving him snacks, tv, puzzles, books to get him to sit and be good, but it doesn't work for long.
All he wants to do is go play outside. He asks over and over and over again. The weather just hasn't been warm enough to take the twins out, and I can't leave them inside to take him. He gets so upset when I say no. Grandma comes and takes him out some, but he doesn't understand why I can't.
So to all those moms who have had a challenging 2 year old, especially with the adjustment of a new baby..what worked for you?? Any suggestions?
All he wants to do is go play outside. He asks over and over and over again. The weather just hasn't been warm enough to take the twins out, and I can't leave them inside to take him. He gets so upset when I say no. Grandma comes and takes him out some, but he doesn't understand why I can't.
So to all those moms who have had a challenging 2 year old, especially with the adjustment of a new baby..what worked for you?? Any suggestions?
6 comments:
I remember this all too well! I don't know much about what I did to handle the adjustment with Ethan when Lj came home but I do remember that bathtime was a huge HIT! Whenever I would nurse Lj I would put Ethan in a bathtub and sit right there in the bathroom or on the floor in the hallway directly looking into the bathroom. I don't know if that will help, or if Payton enjoys bathtime that much but it saved my life. Somedays Ethan took 4-5 baths a day but he loved it, and I was able to nurse Logan at the same time. Hopefully something works, I'm sure we'll be dealing with the same issues once J comes with our boys soon!
Peyton reacted the same way when Paisley came. It is hard. And I remember both of us just crying on the floor. I am so sorry! I think you are doing the best that you can do. It will just take time and you need to let him adjust to it. But I promise, it will get better. He will grow up so much in this next little while. Just be patient with him. I try to get down on Peyton's level and just really talk to her and explain to her that her actions are hurting my feelings and she wouldn't like it if I did those things to her or whatever and it has really worked. She is starting to listen to me a lot more than she used to and trust me, it has taken A LOT of work, patience, and love. There have been times that I have just wanted to scream at her and lock her in her room all day. Just pray for guidance and Heavenly Father will help you. He knows Payton better than anyone and can give you the counsel you need to help him through this hard time. I hope this helps and that things get better!
We have a door knob lock on the inside of nolans room, so if he has time out he cannot let himself out. That is hard. U just have to be consistant, everytime he misbehaves put him in timeout. The best is when there is soemthingn they really want like the ice cream store or playground, friend playdate, if they misbehave leave even if it is super inconvieniet for u to show them u are serious. Goodluck!it will hopefully pass soon.
Poor you..I think he is...two:) Sounds like every other two year old I know...including the one in my house currently. They are developing their sense of autonomy so there is a lot of "Mine!" "Me do it!" and of course "No!". Having a two year old is a full time job...so newborn twins on top...well...I say call in backup as much as you can and otherwise laugh at him...they are hilarious:) They are also looking for boundaries...predictable and consistent boundaries. We use time out, and when he is losing his mind and can't be calmed down he goes to his room where we have a child lock on his door too. We do this rarely. I also watch what he eats...it really affects his behavior. Usually Jake sits on the stairs for time out(sometimes 10 times in a row....) Water seems to have a calming effect. Jake will play at the sink with a running tap and Tupperware for an hour ...a few wet towels is well worth it.
Otherwise do whatever you need to to make it to three...that's my goal...by three they can reason a little bit and understand consequence clearly but two...just get through it:) Pray for patience, perspective and your sense of humor:)
Oh I forgot the practical advice that works for me...
1-2-3...giving him three seconds to make a choice helps because it simply takes longer for them to process information right now.
I just say "Jacob I want you to come in the house now, I am going to count to 3, If I get to three I will need to help you" He will either A- listen, B-stare at me or the dreaded C...throw himself on the floor and screech his head off at me... whatever he chooses at 3 I scoop him up and say "that is your choice then, Mommy needs to help you." Eventually this really works (I just have to put up one finger with Ben and he jumps!)
I also try to give him choices, they NEED independence...under your terms... "We are putting on our shoes, do you want to wear these socks or these socks?" It is also distracting from the actual task so they are less likely to argue it.
I also praise A LOT when he does (only by some small miracle from Jesus!) act obediently... also when he is really having a hard day I have some activities that are new to him to distract him enough to get him out of his funk...to their detriment 2 years olds are insatiably curious...they explore more than play, so something new that is tactile and interesting can change the tone of the day. Pinterest has tons of ideas for "busy bags" http://pinterest.com/jennyvangy/busy-bags/
Some people I know are having parties where you each make enough of one activity for each guest and then you all leave with a variety...great for church if nothing else. Okay...that's all I got:)
It's so true that kids feel secure with boundaries and consistency,and will continue to test them, so keep up the method you choose. I asked my good friend for advice one time (she had 4 kids -ages 5 and under at the time)when I was going crazy. She said that she had a routine with her kids in the morning... about 10-15 with them all together doing a devotional story and educational learning. And then spent time with each one individually, and then they had quiet time (watching a movie or playing in their room). She felt that the kids didn't do as many negative things to get her attention, when she gave it to them freely right in the morning. However, Payton doesn't feel secure when his daddy leaves him, and he doesn't understand why this is going on, so the situations are completely different than what my kids, or my friends' kids have ever gone through. Your answers will be best met through prayers and meditation! Good luck! Just know that he still loves you, even though you might not feel it. I remember budding heads with Trey for a couple of those toddler years and could not feel any love from him during those trying times. When he got older, I was so happy to see that he did still love me and he understood more about how life goes.
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