I decided I wanted to be a nurse when I was in highschool.
Initially I wanted to be a doctor, but realized that I didn't want to put off having a family for years while doing med school, and knew I couldn't be a mom while in school for years and years.
So I chose nursing.
I finished my associates in nursing in 2008, and my Bachelors in 2010.
I love it! Mostly because I love working in labor and delivery.
I always wanted to work. The thought of being a stay at home mom seemed so...boring?
I nannied for a family of 10 kids in 2005-2006. That was definitely NOT boring. That was my first experience where the thought of NOT working crossed my mind. But of COURSE the only way I could do that was if I had 10 kids..or maybe 8. And I never wanted that many, so of course I would work. I mean why would I give up my career and be a boring stay at home mom?
But....
Recently a good friend of mine was able to stop working and stay at home. (click here to see her blog) Her husband got a great job offer and her income was no longer necessary. As she has finished her last few shifts, I have found myself feeling...jealous.
And I read my cousin's blog. (Click here to read it). She stays at home with her boys, and is SUCH and AMAZING mom! I am always in awe of how many fun things she does with her boys. And how devoted she is to teaching them.
Then this past week has happened.
I will compare it to the week before.
2 weeks ago, I worked monday, wednesday and thursday nights. So monday I napped, tuesday I dozed alot of the day, wednesday I napped, thursday I slept till 12, then from 2-3, and friday I slept till 11. The times I was awake, I was cranky, tired, had NO energy and NO patience. I tolerated Payton, and got mad at him for throwing things at me while I was trying to sleep. I could not WAIT for nap time, and let him watch whatever he wanted while I tried to doze. He was fussy, whiny, and angry. I was a monster mom. My house was a mess, I never made dinner, and barely remembered to make Payton lunch. I would make things for lunch that he could feed himself and use it as an opportunity to sleep for 20 minutes while he ate. I didn't work out because I was way too tired.
I haven't worked since Thursday.
Saturday I felt rested. I had a great day! I spent time with Devry, played with Payton, went for a run, cooked lunch and dinner, cleaned the house, and accomplished tons!
Monday, tuesday and today have all been similar. I have worked out every day (which makes me feel better, and have better days). Payton comes with me when I go to Zumba in the morning since they have childcare there. He has fun while I work out. We come home, and play! We read books, play cars, blocks and basketball. We color and draw. We dance. He helps me make lunch. We eat together. Then he takes his nap. And I clean, or cook, or do projects around the house. I feel so productive. He wakes up and we play some more. The TV hasn't been on at all at all! Then he helps me get dinner ready and we eat when Devry gets home. In the evenings, I have been running (I am training for a 1/2 marathon...I will post about it soon) while Payton and Devry have some father son play time. Then Devry and I put Payton to bed together. We tidy the house, play with the dogs, and spend time together. And we go to bed at a decent time (usually I can't sleep till 1 or 2 am after I have worked since my body is used to being awake).
The biggest change I see is in Payton. The past 5 days he has been so happy and pleasant. He gets so excited when I play with him. He rarely whines or cries. He is a different kid.
And of course he is, because I am actually a mom.
I am happier. And Busy! Being home is not boring...even with just 1 kid!!
I have to work tonight, then all weekend. And I am dreading it.
I have always told myself that working nights is so perfect since I can be home with Payton during the day. But really I am not mentally with him.
So.... for the first time in my life...I want to be a stay at home mom.
But I cant.
Financially we absolutely cannot afford for me to stay home.
I carry our health insurance, our dental insurance, everything. And we need it.
Devry is in school for another 2 weeks, but even when he graduates his current job doesn't pay near enough to pay the bills. Even if we cut back tons.
So for now, I will keep working. Maybe cut back this summer to 2 nights a week instead of 3? maybe.
I want to do a master's program in nursing, and plan on it. But I would love love LOVE to be at home for a few years, working 2-4 nights a month, and do school then. Devry is job hunting now. We are hoping and praying that he finds something. We have been looking around here, but there is NOTHING. So we have broadened the search, and applied in other states. We are going to put our house up for sale next month, and hope that it sells so we have more options.
Hopefully we will find something :)
Initially I wanted to be a doctor, but realized that I didn't want to put off having a family for years while doing med school, and knew I couldn't be a mom while in school for years and years.
So I chose nursing.
I finished my associates in nursing in 2008, and my Bachelors in 2010.
I love it! Mostly because I love working in labor and delivery.
I always wanted to work. The thought of being a stay at home mom seemed so...boring?
I nannied for a family of 10 kids in 2005-2006. That was definitely NOT boring. That was my first experience where the thought of NOT working crossed my mind. But of COURSE the only way I could do that was if I had 10 kids..or maybe 8. And I never wanted that many, so of course I would work. I mean why would I give up my career and be a boring stay at home mom?
But....
Recently a good friend of mine was able to stop working and stay at home. (click here to see her blog) Her husband got a great job offer and her income was no longer necessary. As she has finished her last few shifts, I have found myself feeling...jealous.
And I read my cousin's blog. (Click here to read it). She stays at home with her boys, and is SUCH and AMAZING mom! I am always in awe of how many fun things she does with her boys. And how devoted she is to teaching them.
Then this past week has happened.
I will compare it to the week before.
2 weeks ago, I worked monday, wednesday and thursday nights. So monday I napped, tuesday I dozed alot of the day, wednesday I napped, thursday I slept till 12, then from 2-3, and friday I slept till 11. The times I was awake, I was cranky, tired, had NO energy and NO patience. I tolerated Payton, and got mad at him for throwing things at me while I was trying to sleep. I could not WAIT for nap time, and let him watch whatever he wanted while I tried to doze. He was fussy, whiny, and angry. I was a monster mom. My house was a mess, I never made dinner, and barely remembered to make Payton lunch. I would make things for lunch that he could feed himself and use it as an opportunity to sleep for 20 minutes while he ate. I didn't work out because I was way too tired.
I haven't worked since Thursday.
Saturday I felt rested. I had a great day! I spent time with Devry, played with Payton, went for a run, cooked lunch and dinner, cleaned the house, and accomplished tons!
Monday, tuesday and today have all been similar. I have worked out every day (which makes me feel better, and have better days). Payton comes with me when I go to Zumba in the morning since they have childcare there. He has fun while I work out. We come home, and play! We read books, play cars, blocks and basketball. We color and draw. We dance. He helps me make lunch. We eat together. Then he takes his nap. And I clean, or cook, or do projects around the house. I feel so productive. He wakes up and we play some more. The TV hasn't been on at all at all! Then he helps me get dinner ready and we eat when Devry gets home. In the evenings, I have been running (I am training for a 1/2 marathon...I will post about it soon) while Payton and Devry have some father son play time. Then Devry and I put Payton to bed together. We tidy the house, play with the dogs, and spend time together. And we go to bed at a decent time (usually I can't sleep till 1 or 2 am after I have worked since my body is used to being awake).
The biggest change I see is in Payton. The past 5 days he has been so happy and pleasant. He gets so excited when I play with him. He rarely whines or cries. He is a different kid.
And of course he is, because I am actually a mom.
I am happier. And Busy! Being home is not boring...even with just 1 kid!!
I have to work tonight, then all weekend. And I am dreading it.
I have always told myself that working nights is so perfect since I can be home with Payton during the day. But really I am not mentally with him.
So.... for the first time in my life...I want to be a stay at home mom.
But I cant.
Financially we absolutely cannot afford for me to stay home.
I carry our health insurance, our dental insurance, everything. And we need it.
Devry is in school for another 2 weeks, but even when he graduates his current job doesn't pay near enough to pay the bills. Even if we cut back tons.
So for now, I will keep working. Maybe cut back this summer to 2 nights a week instead of 3? maybe.
I want to do a master's program in nursing, and plan on it. But I would love love LOVE to be at home for a few years, working 2-4 nights a month, and do school then. Devry is job hunting now. We are hoping and praying that he finds something. We have been looking around here, but there is NOTHING. So we have broadened the search, and applied in other states. We are going to put our house up for sale next month, and hope that it sells so we have more options.
Hopefully we will find something :)
10 comments:
wow! looking to move out of rexburg huh? i think you will be glad you did in the long run (assuming that's what the Lord tells you to do). it's such an adventure as a couple to leave both families and just do it with each other. it's tough, but it's a great strengthener. at least it was for us.
the greatest part about your job is the mobility. you can do it pretty much anywhere. that's great. i'll be praying for you guys. we're doing the same thing so who knows where we will end up. i wish you tons of luck and many many blessings!
thanks for posting this chels! I totally understand, and it somedays it really just sucks! Good luck with the job search. I still can't find anything in logan, which is really scary. Good luck, I'll be praying for you.
you are such a strong person chelsea! Thanks for your openness and letting us into your thoughts and feelings! I love you so much! you are a wonderful mother and nurse!! Hang in there! I am prayer for you and for devry to find a great job!!
It's nice to slow down while being a mom and enjoy the kids, isn't it? You are a great and talented nurse too! Many people benefit from you being in their lives! Hope you guys find a job soon!
NOT that I want you to move away, I really really don't, but if you have to I'd hope it would be somewhere close that we could visit a lot, maybe Utah? :)
i Dream about the day I will be a stay at home mom. December couldn't come soon enough! Good Luck with job hunting, I hope you guys can find something worthwhile. Which 1/2 are you training for? I'm running the teton dam one, if you want to run it with me? I asked Amy but I'm not sure if she's going to do it. It's very accomplishing when you cross the finish line!! Let me know! (208) 319-4323
Chelsea! Glad I came across your blog! You are a wonderful mom and wife. Don't be hard on yourself. Your boys love you!!
Kudos on the half marathon, that's awesome! And I hope you don't feel like you're alone in that circumstance, I too long for the day when money won't be quite so tight and I can be a real mom instead of the crabby zombie version of myself!
For whatever it's worth, get your house on the market sooner rather than later, most houses are on for a year or more in the area. We finally took ours off and are just renting it out because the market is so dismal. Has Devry looked into being a sales rep, like with Snap-On or something? Lee was looking into stuff like that (and got an offer...you know, after he was already in basic training).
Keep your minds and hearts open and you'll end up where you are supposed to! Good luck! ♥
Okay...you know me, I already know this will be long....
Bear with me... I should probably just email you...
Okay...you know how passionately I feel about Motherhood being next to divinity. I KNOW that Heavenly Father will create a way for you to be home with your child(ren) if that is what you desire. There was NO WAY that I could afford to stop working when Ben was a year old. We bought our home with two incomes, our life was set around 2 incomes and we couldn't pay the penalty fees to break our mortgage and we couldn't get out of our lease on our vehicle and we had debt and on and on. In short I couldn't stop working. But I wanted to be home with my baby full time more than anything. Miracles truly happened to make it work for us. They just piled on top of each other and I am still high on blessings:) I cherish every day that I am privileged to be home with my children and serve my family. It is not boring...I wish for boring sometimes! Ha. But we are SO busy...preschool, farm school, playgroups, library programs, the gym, mom's groups, park dates...I have never ever thought for one moment...boring. Nope. It's not. At times there are quite moments...and those are the most special. I have thought...if I was at work right now, I would have missed that. And I am so grateful. I have thought, more than once...THIS is the best job in the world.
It is...to marvel at these little children we have been blessed with the responsibly of...if you want to be home full time, you can be! Do what you have to and leave the rest to Him. You will never regret it.
And thanks for the blog shout out...when I read it I was like, hey who is Chels' other cousin who stays home and does fun stuff with her boys? Ohhhhh it is me:P
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